Social skills and connection

Connection can mean close friends and family, a friendly word with a neighbour, or being part of a group that shares your interests. Being on your own is not the same as feeling lonely. Some people like lots of time alone. Loneliness is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you’d like. Almost everyone feels lonely at times.

There is no right way to connect. You choose who, how and how fast. You already bring strengths, such as kindness, humour, skills and life experience. In this course you can join in, listen or pass. No one has to discuss personal history or trauma to take part.

Many conversations start small. A hello, a smile or a comment about something you share, like the weather or the activity you’re both doing, is often enough. People you see often, such as a neighbour, a bus driver or a library worker, can be a gentle place to start.

To keep a chat going, ask a follow-up question about what the person just said, or share something small about yourself. When you’re ready to finish, a warm closing line is enough. Short chats count, and they can grow over time. The Everyday conversation course has more ideas.

People show how they feel through words, and also through their face, voice and body. These cues are easy to miss or misread. They can mean different things to different people and cultures. If you’re not sure what someone means, it’s okay to ask.

Being understood works the same way. You can ask someone to slow down, say something again or write it down. You can take a moment to think before you answer. It also helps to tell people how you like to keep in touch, such as by text, by phone or face to face.

Your story belongs to you. You decide whether to share personal or health information, who to tell, when and how much. You can share a little, a lot or nothing, and you can change your mind. Some people describe themselves as living with psychosocial disability, and some don’t. The term is about the barriers a person can face in daily life and in the community, linked to their mental health. It is not a diagnosis, and it doesn’t define who you are.

JobAccess is an Australian Government service. It says that at work, you only need to tell your employer about a disability if it affects your job or your safety. Even then, you only need to share what relates to the job and safety. JobAccess adds that privacy laws protect what you tell people at work: they can’t pass it on without your permission. The Foundation’s privacy policy explains how it handles personal and health information.

Every connection has bumps. A joke can land badly, or two people can see something differently. You can take a break and come back to it later. Simple words like “Sorry, I got that wrong” or “Can we start again?” can repair a lot. You can also say no to questions you’d rather not answer. The Personal boundaries course looks at this in more detail.

Sometimes people say unkind or unfair things about mental health or disability. That is not your fault, and it isn’t up to you to change their minds. The Australian Human Rights Commission explains the law. It is against the law to harass someone because of their disability in areas such as work, study and services. You can raise it with the person or a supervisor, or make a complaint to the Commission. Someone such as an advocate can also make a complaint for you. If you ever feel unsafe, see Need help now.

Connections often grow from things you already enjoy. You might join a club, class, walking group, community garden or online group. Volunteering is another way to meet people through a shared cause. Local councils, libraries and community centres can often tell you what’s on nearby.

Peer support is when people with similar lived experience support each other. It can happen in person, by phone or online. Some organisations offer it with trained peer workers. A lot of it also happens informally, in groups and forums. Not everyone wants peer support, and needs can change. Both are fine. Finding people you click with takes time, so start small. Keeping in touch with people you already know counts too.